A long time since my last post, and boy.. things have changed.
As I write this I prepare for yet another adventure "on the road".
Tomorrow mid-day we shall travel in car from Barcelona to Amsterdam, making a pitstop in France for the night.
To be honest I'm not rather excited, I would've liked to spend a bit more time in Spain, doing the things
I really like doing; wondering around the city with Felipe, going for sushi, dancing the night away (nights and nights in a row) etc.
However, the thought of going back kind of excites me.. I'll be spending time with my old Dutch friends in Amsterdam until January 3rd, and the 4th I head back down South to reunite with my college friends to start the year off with dinner and drinks at my place so we can share Christmas stories..
As much as I appreciate movies, there is one thing I have discovered to dislike. Movies raise expectations. They make events, objects, people, anything really, look so wonderful that the real life moment of the certain thing is rather disappointing.
This happens with me and Christmas every single year. I have raised expectations (think of typical American movie Christmas Dinner's, snow all around, happiness, Big Big Christmas trees, Tons of presents etc.)
I'm not saying my Christmas wasn't wonderful, because I've appreciated every moment of it.. but it really isn't anything like it could be.
Furthermore I'm disappointed in myself as a person. Please excuse the negativeness (once again) in this post, but realize how when the end of the year is approaching self reflection is needed. Hence, this post will serve as a self-reflection..
As I moved to Holland, I promised myself I would not step away from my true self.. and I feel like I did. I've hurt someone that was, and still is, a very special person in my life. Even though we are still on good terms, my heart breaks little by little when thinking of how things could've been like. I do know now that things like these will never happen again. Never again will I act so selfishly for the sake of adventure, pleasure, self-discovery, or any other excuse there might have been for my behavior..
I am glad that I've been taught a bit more about myself.
Sometimes I wish we could allow someone to read our thoughts, because sometimes it feels like true thoughts are to complex to express. As rich as the English vocabulary may be, words can't express all.
I feel that this new year has a lot of potential for my family, my friends, and myself.
A lot of love to all of us.. xxx
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it's strange that christmas lost it's appeal to me a couple of years ago and for some reason, this year the appeal came back. it's something about spending time with loved ones i think, i think i was looking at myself too much in previous christmases. although christmas was a bit of a pain in the sense of being in a reallllly small space with lots of family members constantly, and being constantly controlled by my mom. i decided to let it slide.
ReplyDeletefor christmas you just have to let it be what it is, without expectations i think. that's what'll make it great.
i'm also really sorry you went through this but also i'm really happy and proud of you for coming out with a life lesson. and even if you sometimes stray, you always come back. a tiger can't lose its stripes :)
merry belated christmas k2, and i'm really sorry we didn't get to see each other! and maybe this upcoming year we can continue to learn about ourselves. (wow, i feel patronizing... i'm learning A LOT about myself too)
p.s. i might be coming to holland in february and i'll pay a visit for a day or something if there's a train that can take me quickly to maastricht from utrecht.